Dear Grief
Sometimes the recollection of loss is the most painful. The memory of moments shared, conversations, and loneliness that we experience is hard, but there is also something refreshing about your presence. Time passes, each day gets a little easier, and we move forward.
We all cope with you in our own ways, and while some are fortunate to have shorter periods, it is not always for the better because there are always lasting effects. Some ripples and echoes can be seen in our actions and reactions from that move on. The activities and responses can be felt as we search for the meaning behind the loss.
There are many different types of loss; a relationship, connection, trust, a person, and a myriad of emotions. But you, grief, bring context. You grant peace. You are the method by switch we move forward.
I write this open letter to you to show thanks. Thank you for allowing me to open myself to the flood of emotions brought on by facing my mortality. The concept and feel you embody are impressive. Without you, there would be no change, no movement, no transformation. The cycle called grief is the foundation for my mission. My mission as a change liaison is to connect people and purpose within change. Change is my reason for appreciation. My dedication to you is visceral and empowering.
I hope this finds you well, providing the necessary context that someone needs to understand the meaning of loss.
The seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years in front of me that provide the necessary clarity to move forward is a gift — a gift I cherish wholeheartedly. My memories of two people I loved are burned into my memory.
The clarity is provided through time. The seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years in front of me give the necessary understanding and meaning is a gift — a gift I cherish wholeheartedly. My memories of two people I loved and lost are burned into my memory. The loss of an idea that I am now facing.
I’m sitting here listening to Jay Electronica’s A.P.I.D.T.A. It reminds me of the feelings of loss. What you really mean to me. The true meaning of grief. Listen, read and feel the words:
uh
I got — I got numbers on my phone that’ll never ring again
’Cause Allah done called them home, so until we sing again
I got texts in my phone that’ll never ping again
I screenshot ’em so I got ’em, I don’t want this thing to —
I got numbers in my phone that’ll never ring again
I got, I got, I got
I got numbers in my phone that’ll never ring again
’Cause Allah done called ’em home, so until we sing again
I got texts on my phone that’ll never ping again
I screenshot ’em so I got ’em, I don’t want this thing to end
I got numbers on my phone that’ll never ring again
’Cause Allah done called them home, so we never sing again
I got texts on my phone that’ll never ping again
I screenshot ’em so I got ’em, I don’t want this thing to —
[Post-Chorus: Jay-Z]
Sleep well, sleep well
Lately I haven’t been sleeping well, sleeping well
Sleep well, sleep well
Lately I haven’t been sleeping well, sleeping well
Sleep well, sleep well
Lately I haven’t been sleeping well, I been — uh
[Interlude: Emory Jones]
I’m just vibing out right now, you know what I’m sayin’, like, you feel me?
Yo, ’cause it’s — it’s so good, right?
’Cause it’s like, man, it’s needed, you know what I mean?
Gotta finish them scriptures, mane
It’s needed, mane, it’s needed
[Verse: Jay Electronica]
Eyes fiery, cry tears to my diary
Sometimes a Xanny bar can’t help you fight back the anxiety
I go to my Lord quietly, teardrops on our faces
Teardrops on my face, it’s like teardrops become waterfalls by the time they reach my laces
My eyelids is like levees but my tear ducts is like glaciers
As I contemplate creation, the salt that heals my wounds pour out my eyes just like libations
I can’t stop my mind from racing, I got numbers on my phone
Pictures on my phone
The day my mama died, I scrolled her texts all day long
The physical returns but the connection still stay strong
Now I understand why you used to cry sometimes we ride down Claybourne
You just missed your — You just missed your mama
Now I just miss my mamas
The clothes we wear to bed at night to sleep is just pajamas
The flesh we roam this earth in is a blessing, not a promise
I bow with those who bow to the creator and pay homage
[Bridge: Jay Electronica & Jay-Z]
Sleep well
Lately, I haven’t been sleepin’ well
I even hit the beach to soak my feet and skip some seashells
Sleep well
The lump inside my throat sometimes just towers like the Eiffel
Sometimes I wonder do the trees get sad when they see leaves fell
Sleep well
The last time that I kissed you, you felt cold but you looked peaceful
I read our message thread when I get low and need a refill
Sleep well
Sleep well, sleep well
Lately, I haven’t been sleeping well, sleeping well
[Chorus: Jay-Z]
I got numbers in my phone that’ll never ring again
’Cause Allah done called them home, so until we sing again
I got texts on my phone that’ll never ping again
I screenshot ’em so I got ’em, I don’t want this thing to end
I got numbers on my phone that’ll never ring again
’Cause Allah done called them home, so we never sing again
I got texts on my phone that’ll never ping again
I screenshot ’em so I got ’em, I don’t want this thing to —
I’m awestruck by the opportunity I am provided in this experience, so again, thank you, grief. Thank you for giving me the context, clarity, and understanding to find meaning in loss. Find meaning in the actions and reactions. To find and move forward to what is next.
Sincerely,
-M
